Post by BoiWitdaToyz on Sept 7, 2005 9:34:39 GMT -5
I'm over 60 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down
terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off
to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join
until you're at least 35.
For starters:
Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys
only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000
additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't
lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.
If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back
hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on
the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and
a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders
for the old beer belly.
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early
every morning to pee. If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans
because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and
serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would actually be
easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we
actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns
and rifles.
We like them almost better than naps. They could lighten up on the obstacle
course however. I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall
with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after
completing basic
training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give
me...er..one." And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never
seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to
shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the
top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still
hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a
400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.
All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life
before sending them off to possible death. Let us old guys track down those
dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing
the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with
attitudes.
(It's purposely in large font for us so we can see)
Not sure about that part about thinking about sex.
terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off
to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join
until you're at least 35.
For starters:
Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys
only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000
additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't
lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.
If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back
hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on
the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and
a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders
for the old beer belly.
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early
every morning to pee. If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans
because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and
serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would actually be
easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we
actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns
and rifles.
We like them almost better than naps. They could lighten up on the obstacle
course however. I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall
with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after
completing basic
training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give
me...er..one." And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never
seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to
shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the
top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still
hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a
400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.
All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life
before sending them off to possible death. Let us old guys track down those
dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing
the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with
attitudes.
(It's purposely in large font for us so we can see)
Not sure about that part about thinking about sex.
